


hold onto me, 'cause i'm a little unsteady

by dangerouspassions



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, idk this is angsty my bad, implied depression (sort of), it's sad ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 01:46:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7079545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dangerouspassions/pseuds/dangerouspassions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes when Jace's hopelessness is coursing through Alec's veins - and Magnus can see it on Alec's face - Magnus will close both of them off from the outside world.</p><p>Like now, when the bond is especially intense and Jace is feeling as though all hope is lost and he’s doomed to a fate tied to Valentine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	hold onto me, 'cause i'm a little unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> so i wrote this when i was in a really sad mood?? it came out super angsty... oops. anyways, the idea that alec feels jace's emotions through their bond has been stuck in my head for a while now, and there's no way jace isn't feeling a little hopeless stuck on that boat with his evil father, so that + me writing = angst galore. also this is unbeta'ed, so sorry for any mistakes. enjoy!!

Sometimes he can feel Jace. Feel what he feels, what he emotes; some days it's so strong that he can't get out of bed.

The worst part about it, is that sometimes Alec can't discern whether it's Jace's feelings flooding through him through their bond or they're his own feelings. More often than not, he spends his days worrying about Jace, so the line has become a little blurred.

Jace is miserable. He can feel it; sense it every way of his being. He can feel the way in which Jace drags through the days. The way he sometimes feels like he won't make it to the next one.

It takes a toll on Alec. Somehow, their bond is stronger than ever right now, so he's feeling everything almost as strongly as Jace is. The pain, the despair, the sadness. He can feel Jace slowly giving up as each day passes.

It worries the others. Isabelle's made it her personal job to check up on Alec all hours of the day, just to make sure he isn't feeling too low. She knows it’s Jace, and she knows that Alec can’t function to his normal capacity on some days because of it, but she doesn’t really understand _what_ Alec is feeling. She has the best intentions though, and Alec loves her all the more for it.

Clary's done the same as Isabelle, checking up as a way to not only see how he's doing, but Jace as well. Each day she asks how he’s feeling with a hopeful but not quite optimistic expression, and each day it falls as Alec tells her nothing has changed. It has though. Jace has gotten worse with each passing day, but Alec can't bear to tell her the full extent of how bad it is. He can barely acknowledge it himself.

Even Lydia has been looking in on him. Next to Magnus, Alec’s the most grateful for how she handles him. She doesn’t coddle him or pity him - something he absolutely does not want from anyone - but she gives him daily status updates on Jace’s situation, and on Valentine. The situation never really changes and it probably isn’t necessary for him to be told as much every day, but he thinks Lydia knows that as well. She updates him anyways, because she knows what it’s like to lose someone you’re close to, and that’s probably what she would want if she were in this situation. Her and Alec are a lot alike, afterall.

Magnus seems to understand the best though. He just seems to get it. He gets that Alec needs time to get through it. He gets that whenever the bond is particularly strong, Alec just needs to be held.

Sometimes when Jace's hopelessness is coursing through Alec's veins - and Magnus can see it on Alec's face - Magnus will close both of them off from the outside world.

Like now, when the bond is especially intense and Jace is feeling as though all hope is lost and he’s doomed to a fate tied to Valentine.

Alec’s unable to move from his spot on Magnus’ bed, feelings of dread overwhelming him. Magnus grab a few blankets from his couch and swaddles them both up on the giant bed, tugging Alec close to him to let him know he's there should he need him. Alec doesn't say his thanks out loud, too afraid his voice will crack, but he thinks Magnus gets it when he presses closer and burrows his face in the crook of Magnus' neck.

Magnus is quiet for a moment, stroking the hairs at the back of Alec’s neck that he’s come to learn is a gesture that comforts Alec, before exhaling.

"We'll find him," Magnus says. "I promise."

Alec's only indication that he heard is a slight nod of the head. He hears Magnus sigh, and he knows it's out of frustration. Not with Alec, but the whole situation. Alec knows that it's killing Magnus to see him like this. He knows Magnus has doubled his efforts in finding Jace because of him.

There have been a few leads here and there, but none of them panned out into anything useful. Magnus has tried every tracking spell he knows, but every time he tries, he gets this searing headache that almost knocks him out. He told the rest of them this much, and that he figures Valentine has something to do with it.

All Alec knows is that Jace is in a bad place right now, mentally and physically. He feels whatever Jace feels, and it's killing him in every way to know that Jace is giving up - that he's losing hope. It's killing him to know that his parabatai feels like there's no good ending to his story.

Alec’s tried to rid this feeling from his body. He’s tried everything he could to distance himself from Jace’s emotions. He knows he could easily weaken their bond if that’s what he wanted, but that would mean losing touch from Jace, and if something were to happen and he didn’t know about it, he doesn’t think he would ever forgive himself.

This is the worst feeling he’s ever felt, that much is true, but if he has to endure it to know that Jace is still alive, then it’s an agony he’s willing to carry. He just doesn’t know how much longer he can keep suffering through it.

He clutches at Magnus' arm and hugs deeper into his embrace, letting a few hot tears slip out and onto Magnus' neck.

Magnus lets out a choked off noise from his throat, promptly shifting his body towards Alec’s so he can frame his face in his hands.

"Alexander, I promise you, with every fiber of my being, I will find him," he says, brushing a strand of Alec's hair off his forehead. "I can't stand to see you like this, darling." He places a soft kiss on Alec's temple and brings his head to his chest, wrapping his arms tight around Alec.

Alec thinks that if anyone else was wrapped around him this tightly, he'd feel claustrophobic. He doesn’t normally like being in tight spaces, but when it’s Magnus, he feels the sorrow lessening, even if only marginally.

Magnus' embrace is warm and safe, and brings him the smallest amount of comfort the situation allows for.

Magnus can't do much for him right now, but he's doing what little he can, and that's really all Alec needs to hold himself over until he knows Jace is okay.

**Author's Note:**

> come chat with me on tumblr [here](http://www.alecsseraph.tumblr.com) :)


End file.
